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Be. Here. Now.

Originally published in three parts beginning 4/2/06 on Cadet Spiff's Deep Space Log

Today's exercise should be an interesting one. I've got about a dozen ideas rattling around in my brain, all of them loosely connected in various ways to create another idea, a gestalt, some sort of grand unified theory of life. I'm not having the best of times putting this superidea into words, but we shall see what happens.

I suppose it begins with the Rockstar. And doesn't it always? Kenn is a great guy, one of the best friends a guy could have (even if you are convinced he tried to get me to go out hunting trim while the Redheaded Hippie Chick was out of town, he really didn't), and a modern day Renaissance Man. Seriously. I couldn't fit into a week what he does in a day. Just look at the list: Web Designer. Bassist for the best band in Birmingham. Hopeless romantic. Bartender. Tireless cynic. And a pretty good writer.

This post of his from "Dairy of a Madman" (it is spelled correctly) got me thinking about making the most of moments. We've only got so many in this life. Why not get all we can out of them?

Since the beginning of this year, I've made a conscious effort to live a more examined life. For at least a solid year prior to my divorce, and for a number of years following it, I lived mindlessly -- going through the motions of life, staying busy, seeking pleasure, but not really living. I'd read Eastern philosophy, learned some of the tenets and made half-hearted attempts to apply them when I remembered to or even when I felt like it. But all too often, these ideas and my attempts to be more mindful of my life got pushed to the wayside. Generally because of things that, in the grand scheme of life, really don't matter all that much.

That said, some significant changes have occurred to me since January. Call it synchronicity, coincidence, divine providence, or whatever you'd like, but as I've made decisions to live a more examined life, things have gotten better. Much of this is because I'm making better choices and I'm doing my best to do as an ancient Zen master once told his student:

"Be here now."

While I'm on no path to enlightenment, I've taken this saying to heart. To make the most of moments, you have to be in them, appreciate them, pay attention to what's going on at the time.

For example, shortly after the Redheaded Hippie Chick returned from her sojourn to Europe, we were lying on her bed, talking. The poor woman was worn out from traveling and we were reliving some of her trip and generally enjoying being together again for the first time in more than a week.

And even though she was back home and in my arms where she belonged, the RHC simply could not keep her brain from working in overdrive. There was so much to be done: unpacking, bills that accumulated during her trip, projects to be done when she went back to work, and on and on and on...

"Just relax, hon," I told her as she drew closer to me. "I've got you."

"But what about what we're going to do later?" She looked up at me, a look of slight worry on her face. "And then you'll have to go." Her eyes turn down at this, her lips in a pout.

I touch her under the chin and gently raise her head, lifting her eyes to mine.

"But baby, we're here, right now. I'm just so glad you're home."

And then she melted in my arms.

That, my friends, is what being here now is all about, and that moment crystallized those three words for me. Right then I didn't care about my bank account, or how many miles my car was past due for an oil change, or what was on television, or what that noise was outside on the deck, or... You get the idea. The woman I love was home, for god's sake. I wanted to savor every moment she was lying there in my arms and never forget it.

We get so carried away with what's going on around us that we rarely, if ever, take time to pay attention to what's important. And here's the funny thing: it's all important. Whether it's time spent with your significant other, or simply doing laundry, it's important, because it's your life, and you decide how it will be lived.

I was going to write something about cherishing moments when they happen. But they don't just happen. We make them through our choices and how we perceive the world. And that, my friends, was a huge revelation to me.

---

I think a lot of the way I now deal with everyday life these days is as a result of changes in the way I perceive my world. To call it simply looking at the glass as half-full instead of half-empty would be a gross oversimplification, and wouldn’t do justice to the idea. So let me bluster on:

While there is an objective “reality” (the three-dimensional physical world we inhabit), we each create our own reality through perception. So, the world we live in is what we perceive it to be, despite actual "reality". Yes, that’s a sidewalk, and that’s a building, and that’s a tree. But I don’t see the same tree someone else sees. No one does.

“Well, of course you see the same tree. It’s a friggin’ tree, for Christ’s sake,” I can hear some of you arguing. Well, sure, it’s the same tree in objective reality. But the “tree“ I’m seeing is not only the result of light reflecting off it and into my optic nerve. That impulse has to be interpreted by my brain, just as it has to be interpreted by yours. So the “tree” we each see is the construct of the physical act of sight along with memory and emotion.

Suppose a tree fell on my house when I was a child; I may look at a tree and see potential destruction. Perhaps it’s not in my conscious mind, but I might get a sense of fear when I see a large tree as well. On the other hand, suppose my memories are of playing on tire swings during bright summer days. I’ll look at the tree and see comfort and fun; my mood may likely brighten as well.

So we don‘t really see the same tree at all, do we?

(As a somewhat comedic aside, and taking this line of thought waaaay past where it needs to go: As disparate as human beings are, and as differently as each of our brains works, I think it's amazing we can even agree what a "tree" is: “Hmm. That’s a tree? I always thought it was a superconducting supercollider. Oh, well. And why is an orange trying to take a French on that thing you call a tree?”)

Despite the bluster, the gist is this: We all perceive the world differently. I don’t think we’ll have any argument about that. Where I’m finding comfort these days is the knowledge that I can choose how to perceive the world. I cannot change objective reality; but I can change my reality, if I choose to do so.

As an example, I found myself in a fast food drive through yesterday, searching for lunch. Here’s the objective reality: It’s about 2 p.m. There are seven cars in line ahead of me. I haven’t eaten more than a couple of handfuls of peanuts in about 16 hours (I was asleep for a good deal of that time). It is about 68 degrees, partly cloudy, with a light breeze.

It would have been easy to be aggravated by such a situation. I’m hungry. The way the sun is shining in the car is making me hot. The woman on the loudspeaker sounds like a bitch. They don’t have Diet Mt. Dew. And so on and so on.

However, I chose to focus on other factors. It’s a gorgeous day. The car windows are open, and the breeze feels great blowing through the car. I’m listening to music I really enjoy. I’ve got time while I’m sitting in this line to appreciate the beauty of the day. Even the lines of the building look pretty the way they jut against the background of pines and blue sky.

Objective reality didn’t change, but my reality certainly did. You can call it perspective if you like; I call it making wise choices.

---

On the advice of the Rockstar, one of the Valentine’s Day gifts I purchased for the Redheaded Hippie Chick was a copy of Richard Bach’s book One. On the back cover is a blurb from the book:

“I gave my life to become the person I am right now. Was it worth it?”

Heady stuff, that. One of those great big, life-changing questions. And a mighty fine marketing ploy, if you ask me. Who wouldn’t want to read a book with that kind of hook on the back cover?

After the RHC finished the book, she suggested I read it. And I did. Devoured it in two days. I strongly suggest you pick up a copy for yourself; if you can’t find it at the local mega-bookstore, I’m sure you can find it online. But in the spirit of brevity, here’s the shortest book report ever:

A couple embarks on a journey through time, space, and alternate universes, learning life lessons along the way. It's the equivalent of a time machine adventure on the psychic, mental, and emotional planes, without the dinosaurs, but with an appearance by Attila the Hun.

The major theme of the book (yes, there’s a spoiler here) is that we are the result of the choices we make. And isn’t it the truth? How differently would I have turned out to be at this moment had I chosen other paths?

I can pick out a number of choices in my past that have led me to where I am today. Sometimes I chose wisely; not so much on others. Heck, with some of the choices, I’m surprised I didn’t end up like the bad guy in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade: “He chose poorly,” the Knight Templar says, standing over my smoking remains.

Fortunately, I’ve been lucky. I’ve chosen poorly, but I’ve lived to make better decisions.

I refer you to the Rockstar’s latest post, where he claims making the right choice isn‘t always easy. I agree wholeheartedly -- it‘s not. To go even further, sometimes we get so focused on the minutiae of life that we can’t even see that we have a choice.

But, to quote some ‘70s Canadian prog rock, “If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.” That’s from Rush’s “Free Will”, for those of you keeping score at home.

No, it’s not easy making the right choices. Life does that to us sometimes when times are tough, and I believe society at large keeps us from thinking about the bigger picture. Think about it: As a culture, we have the attention span of a gnat on meth. We are constantly inundated with messages that things we buy will make out lives happier and better. Hell, half the advertisements we see on TV deal with pills to instantly make our lives better.

As a whole, we’ve got a take-a-pill, immediate gratification mindset. No wonder we’re so unhappy. No wonder we need so many things to distract us from the unpleasantness that is life in the new millennium.

It’s not easy to choose wisely. Going back to One, the protagonist learns that the good decisions are the ones that will ensure long-term happiness, not the ones that provide immediate gratification. Therefore, making the “right” choice is more often than not the more difficult choice.

Well, that’s no fun, is it?

It can be. I’m finding it to be not only fun, but educational and inspirational as well. Were it not for some of the better choices I’ve made lately, I wouldn’t even be writing this.

In general, I see most people living in the details of life, rather than living life itself. I do the same thing all the time. It’s very simple to focus on keeping busy, rather than seeing the big picture. But just keeping busy is living mindlessly; it’s not going to help you get where you eventually want to go. It may keep us going for one more day, but I think that kind of living keeps us from thinking about what we really want in life, as well as keeping us from thinking about how unhappy we really are.

So I’ve made the decision to live a more mindful life. I’m paying attention, not just going through the motions. I’m realizing that I can choose my reality. And, finally, I’m making the right choices. I finally can say that I can “be here now.”

And it’s working out just dandy.

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