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Wrecking the curve
Originally published 04/03/06 on Cadet Spiff's Deep Space Log
I hold in my grubby little hands today, actually addressed to me, the official (no, really it says so, right in the first paragraph) CENSUS OF THE REPUBLICAN PARTY.
I'm slightly bewildered as to how I received this document. Most of my political views are left of center, and some of them are so far left they make Che Guevara look like Bill O'Reilly. I've never voted Republican in a national election, and I voted for Ralph Nader in the last two. So receiving this document in which my "answers will represent the views and opinions of all Republican voters" in my voting district is a bit of a surprise.
I love how the introductory letter uses spin. Did you know that real government reform depends on maintaining and expanding Republican majorities in the House and Senate over the next 10 years? Or that Republicans are in danger because the Democrats are being funded by liberal special interest groups? Because we all know that good, God-fearing Republicans don't get special interest money, right?
Of course, there's the pitch for money in here as well:
"So along with your completed GOP census document, won't you also enclose a contribution of $500, $250, $100, $50 or even $25 to the Republican National Committee?"
Hell no. I don't even check the box on my tax return that gives $1 to the presidential campaigns, even if I like the guy in office. No way am I sending a dime to the GOP.
So let's take a look at a few of the actual questions:
* "Do you support President Bush's initiatives to promote the safety and security of all Americans?" Hm. Do you mean the trampling of civil liberties in the guise of the Patriot Act? Illegal wiretaps of American citizens? Guess I'll check "NO" on that one.
* "Do you support the use of air strikes against any country that offers safe harbor or aid to individuals or organizations committed to further attacks on America?" Well, of course, air strikes are the only answer. I suppose Britain should check its welfare rolls to ensure no suspected terrorists are receiving government aid, because then we'll be sending Stealth bombers up the Thames. Another "NO" answer there.
* "Do you think Congress should focus on cutting the federal budget by reducing wasteful government spending?" Well, of course I do. But what's wasteful to me (ever-increasing military budgets, etc.) is probably not wasteful to Republicans, who would do away with arts programs and the like. Looks like I'll hit "undecided" on that one.
* "Do you support President Bush's initiative to allow private religious and charitable groups to do more to help those in need?" Oh, do you mean that churches should be allowed to make donations to political parties and still keep their tax-free status? Uh, "NO".
* "Do you think Congess should pass legislation on the Federal Marriage Amendment?" Geez. I may not be gay, but as an ex-girlfriend once described herself, "I'm step-family." Get out of the bedroom, for God's sake. Another big "NO".
And so it goes. Questions phrased in a manner to elicit the wanted response. Who could be against pro-American intitiatives? Who wants to kill babies? Damned liberals, that's who.
Ah, lies, damned lies, and statistics.
Of course, the final question is "Will you send us money?". Funny thing is that there's not a "NO" option for that question. But you can't send money if you're a corporation (don't use that corporate credit card!) or a foreign national (you might be a terrorist -- you're different).
I'll fill this out and send it back. But I won't enclose $11 for the cost of tabulating my survey. You sent me the damn thing -- you pay for tabulating it.
And while you're at it, you might want to take a look at purging your mailing lists.
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